If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
