I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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