he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
