Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
