Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
