farters have to be the big spoon...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
