So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I supernannyed him into submission
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
