Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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