Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
thus making me awesome and them whores
this beer tastes like vomit already
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
When are your genitals available?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
