Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
