I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
