I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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