Who wears a wallet chain?!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
