i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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