So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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