hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
