a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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