I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize