I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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