I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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