bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
