honey bunches of taint.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
