I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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