it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
