I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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