Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
