I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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