Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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