Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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