Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
