oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
