Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize