i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Randomize
