dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
