Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
