I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
