He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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