I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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