I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize