He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
be right there i have to get my cape
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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