So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
