I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
