haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
