Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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