in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
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