Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
