butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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