dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize