i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize