she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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