I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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