I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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