a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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