I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
