I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
