I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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