Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
