NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
