and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
