Nicole vs. Life
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
