"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
